I haven’t posted in two weeks.
My inspiration took a vacation,
but, unfortunately, my body and I lost our boarding pass.
We got left behind on the platform, per se,
but we aren’t going to wait for the train to return with an unknown TOA.
So, while the summer season decided to stick around a bit longer this year (hello triple digit October days!),
it hasn’t been all sunshine and rainbows.
That is why.
I never imagined the transition from student life to working life to be of the challenge it’s come to show for.
Perhaps it was because I didn’t have the time to think about the future in that light.
I was too wrapped up overachieving in the current moment for future moments.
I was too wrapped up in letter grades, grammatically perfect term papers, and building a resume with the utmost recognition.
I was too wrapped up in what my body could do, what I could make it do, and what it wouldn’t do.
I was too wrapped up in commenting, posting, and tweeting with #hashtags to the cyber world about the life I was writing,
but not living.
I was too wrapped up
to see that I had an addiction.
For when I walked across the stage on May 20, 2012,
I unwrapped myself into the real world, raw and unprepared,
where there was not the constant feedback, the pats on the back, the mini goals to grasp,
the accomplishments to sing about, the approval from above.
I was too strung out on the drug of approval that
I was not aware of it until the withdrawal symptoms came knocking on my front door.
It did not matter that I have a job with a world famous company, or that I volunteer my time off the clock with a national non-profit organization.
I’m not doing enough. I’m not doing anything.
I’m not satisfied. I’m stuck.
Where am I going?
I fought these thoughts as they weren’t leading me anywhere,
and they especially weren’t taking me on the trip where my inspiration had gone.
To go there, I had to do something. Or rather, I had to do something to my thoughts.
The train wasn’t coming back for me.
I had to find another mean of transportation to that happy, heavenly place of paradise.
Life is quite different than it was six months ago – no better no worse – but changed,
as life is known to do.
There’s been a break in the momentum on the swing of life, a pause for reflection and action.
There’s been a break in the momentum only to teach me that life can be enjoyed, loved and lived best
when one doesn’t seek more (of what!?) for happiness, but relishes in what is.
For when a person with potential hasn’t drawn out their map to their dream(s), it is OKAY
to be content with what have you, this day, and to do with it what makes you happy.