All day today I had two specific blog posts that I wanted to write – one for tonight, one for tomorrow.
In order to write both of said posts, I “needed” to complete a second workout for the day at the WREC. The time I had allotted for a HIIT treadmill run and leg routine arrived a minute or two past the four o’clock hour. I sauntered to my car to grab the hot pink bag stuffed with gear for workout #2; apparently, the spunk in my step I normally have when my running shoes are laced with excitement about exercising wasn’t packed with the rest of my obnoxiously bright attire.
I’m pointing my finger at the fact that I began my day again all too early with a 4-mile run around my neighborhood, consumed all too much caffeine, and then proceeded to plow through my Tuesday schedule that passed as slow as molasses.
Why was I planning a “double day” anyway? Didn’t I create this training plan — a vague set of guidelines to keep myself “up to par” for the five weeks before my race? Yes, it was me. There was no necessity for a double day, except…
Last night, I found myself with saline on the verge of spilling onto my freckled cheeks because I had only run 1 mile yesterday (along with a side of strength training) after my PDR Sunday. SkinnyRunner ran a full marathon Sunday and 15+ miles Monday. Comparing myself to another. #guiltyascharged
My mother listened to me patiently through the telephone as I spewed my discontent with myself, for not doing enough… enough for what!?… enough for who!?
Was I really going to let myself belittle my effort Sunday of persevering through rainy winter weather, a chaffed bra line and finicky satellite watch to run farther than I’ve ever run before… with nothing – or no one – to encourage me to keep taking one step after another other than me, myself and I?
My mind was strong Sunday, so why on Earth could it succumb to such weakness in allowing someone else’s accomplishments smash the commitment it has put on the pavement after all the miles?
I received a comment today in regards to my post about my final college semester that read: “I love when you write about personal/college posts!”
Tonight, I’ve edited completely revised my original post idea to make it personal by telling you all – in my utmost vulnerability – that I’m fighting a battle against myself of being enough.
My body is deserving of more merit than it ever receives from me, its toughest critic. It deserves to love every inch of flesh that sticks to the tree-embellished yoga mat; it deserves dark chocolate and lattes just because, and I’ll be damned if it doesn’t deserve to embrace its larger, defined thigh muscles showcased in magenta compression shorts.
Please learn from my mistake. Use the fitspiration of other women to make you stronger; do not let anyone, and more prominently yourself, depreciate the steps you’ve taken in making the best recipe of yourself. Feel free to add ingredients to your self recipe, and be permissive in removing those that haven’t worked through trial and error.
I’ll tell you a little secret… the key ingredient you need in a recipe for being enough is self love.
Shall we go to the store and stock up? ;)
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This is an awesome post girl! I loved the last pic :)
Hillary! I can’t get enough of your blog, you are a true inspiration. I’m currently training for Half #4 and I felt the same way all week with classes starting & comparing myself! New motto for this year “Let it go” :) Happy Wednesday!
this post is so inspiring and i really, really needed to hear it. thank you.
What a beautifully self-reflective post. You inspire me on a daily basis!
This post is beautiful and inspiring. I struggle a lot with being too hard on myself, it is true that you are your worst critic. You’re in killer shape, successful student and beautiful — give yourself the appreciate you deserve :)
AWESOME post, glad you changed it and made it more about you! I’ll totes go shopping with you and we can pick-up some self-love and possibly a few pairs of cute shoes, some clothes, and pretty jewels!?
P.S. You’re doing a great job doing what you do, you don’t need to do what others do!
I am so glad you posted this today. I am having a hard time being nice to myself right now and you are so right, we all need to be more self accepting and be proud of what our bodies can do! You have brightened my outlook today :)
thank you for this, hill. while i have come miles in the realm of self love, i still struggle with feelings of insecurity, self worth, and not doing enough of it (whatever IT is). i think it’s something we all, females that is, will confront at different parts of our lives. it is so refreshing to hear such a strong woman speak so honestly and candidly about the things so many of us are feeling. hugs!
What an amazing introspective post. :)
Hi girl!! You are so going to rock that half…it’s very soon, so you don’t need to be putting in crazy distances or pushing yourself out of YOUR zone right now!!
Maybe I’m the one with her head screwed on weird, but when I read that someone ran 15 miles the day AFTER their marathon (I didn’t criticize or compare), I thought “wow, I am SO lucky my body does not ask me to do that!” I am so thankful that I WANT to take an easy day after a race or tough long run…there’s no winning when you compare your plan to someone else’s, and the most important tool in a race is your MENTAL GAME!
So please believe in yourself and the path that you are on (because you are on it for a reason!)…have a great Wednesday!!! xoxo!
While Skinny Runner’s ability to put in those miles is indeed impressive, PLEASE don’t compare yourself to her. I guarantee you that Shalane Flanagan and Desiree Davila did not run 15 miles the day after the Olympic Trials — for people attempting to run as fast as they can over a given distance, that sort of behavior is neither standard nor expected.
Your lifestyle, goals, and circumstances are completely different from Skinny Runner’s… so celebrate that personal distance record! 14.4. miles is outstanding, and you are on a roll with the running these days!
Heck yes, Hillary! Stock up :) You are more than enough and so are your workouts. If it comes to this, then what’s the point?
Amen.
Great post, Hillary! I so easily fall into the comparison trap when I’m reading blogs. But I’ve gotten better at taking a step away and looking at the big picture. One mile is so much better than none, even if I didn’t reach my ‘goal’ for the day.
So many people read YOUR blog for inspiration and strive to be as awesome as you. Something to think about…
What a beautiful reminder that we are enough and we should love, respect, and treat ourselves kindly :)
Thank you and keep up the love!
That was a powerful post. Kudos to you for being so aware that you were allowing those feelings to take over you, and then for doing something about it!
Your drive for constant improvement is inspiring. Your positive energy is infectious. You *are* enough. Just know you aren’t alone in the struggle to find balance between ambition and acceptance.
I like that — “the balance between ambition and acceptance”. Yes, that’s it precisely.
love this! you are an inspiration and i, too, love the more personal, college, and life posts as opposed to primarily training logs :) keep up the awesome work!
Hillary, you are such a great role model. Thank you for the inspirational post :)
This post is perfection.
For better or for worse, I do compare myself to others, but more often than that, I compare myself to my own ideals. Some of them are simply high standards, but the rest tend to be uncompromisable and rigid – for example, I get 50 miles per week in, end of story. Similarly, I don’t run less than 10K in a day, unless I’m on my deathbed or I’ve supplemented with walking or skiing. This sort of mindset is very limiting when it comes to “being enough”. It is worth remembering (for me, anyways) that my mileage is not the only denominator in my self-worth.
I don’t know if my body would last long at 50 miles every week. Props to your effort :)
I really appreciated this post. I’m not sure I have commented before, but I’ve been reading your blog for awhile. I can relate to your schedule and lifestyle since I’m still a student myself.
It’s so easy to fall into comparing your abilities and motivation for exercise and running with others–on blogs or in real life. I’ve found there is really no one I can compete with but myself, and even then, I have to give myself a break. Running and exercising is and always will be a priority for me, but there are also other very important priorities in my life right now, as I’m sure you can relate. The elusive balance is the challenge.
Sometimes I have to remember that the fact that I am prioritizing of running and other exercise in my life is really an accomplishment in itself.
Thanks for finally saying hello :) Your comments are always welcome.
Great post, Hillary! Feeling good enough is something so many (especially girls!) stuggle with yet don’t know how to share. I hope you continue to remind youself about your awesomeness and that everyday gets better! Good thing we have a perfect God who doesn’t require us to be perfect or “fix” ourselves, only He can do that :)
LOVE this post! I am on board with everything you said. It’s so easy to compare yourself to others and let it make you feel bad. But on the other hand, with a little hard work (because sometimes you have to stop and remind yourself not to compare!), you can use the accomplishments of others to motivate you to do even more, even if it’s not the same thing others are doing.
You are the inspiration! What great reminders ;) Thank you for writing another beautiful post.
I feel the need to mention… You are to me what SkinnyRunner is to you. You are the girl who continues to pop up on my DM wall and make me think, “Hey, go do something, Hillary just did”. You are an inspiration, and as someone who attempts to keep up with your workouts… you doing plenty!! :) Do what is right for you, do it to the best of your ability and wear your day to day accomplishments (and bright colors) with pride.
Wow, thank you for having the strength to say what SO many of us feel every day – constant competition with ourselves and those around us and the pressure to challenge our physical and mental abilities until we lose track of JUST how much we accomplish every day. It’s easy to get wrapped up and lose perspective, I’m guilty of it ALL the time. You’re amazing and don’t forget that two-a-days and even that one mile run should be something to be proud about!
Very wise. I am literally almost twice your age and am still learning to, as a friend of mine says, put down the sledgehammers (that I beat myself with). I’m not the runner you are — nowhere close. I’m a different person, had a different beginning in my life, and different life circumstances. But I chug along doing the best I can. And some days — that is getting a lot of rest, or getting my family fed and taken care of. I set the sledgehammers aside, let it be enough, and let there be a tomorrow. You are wise to learn this early. Thanks for the reminder.
I am the same way, I am so hard on myself in every aspect of my life. I never feel good enough, and I need to ask myself – who am I trying to beat? I just need to be myself and be proud of what I do! Tomorrow morning I’m hoping to set my PDR – 11 miles! I just have to remind myself if you told me 6 months ago I’d be running 11 miles, I would have laughed if your face.
You’ve got it! 11 miles is all yours :)
Wow, I just found this through The Daily Crumb…what an incredible post! Thanks so much for the reminder, and I hope you continue to tell yourself these things frequently as well. It can be hard to remember, but you deserve everything you mentioned and a whole lot more!
Thanks again for the lovely post. I will look forward to checking out your blog more soon.
Hope you have a nice weekend!
~Emily~
What a great post, Hillary! I just wanted to say thanks for posting it; keep up the honesty and vulnerability, not only on the blog, but more importantly in real life… and yes, you ARE enough. Every day. Workout or not. Cupcake or kale chip. :) Thanks for this reminder of TRUTH. :D
Thank you for this thoughtful comment. I’m inspired to eat a cupcake ;)
I found this older post on your blog today. I REALLY needed to read something like this. I’m currently struggling with finding what is ‘enough’ for me. It is such a fine line to walk, especially when there is so much comparison and competition in the health & fitness world. Thanks for being ‘real’ and sharing.